Delta Lady (deltabean) wrote,
Delta Lady
deltabean

  • Mood:
 Today I cried for the first time i months.

I had a revelation of sorts. I realized that the people I wanted to be friends with never were my friends. I just tried so so so hard to be part of that inner circle. That group of theatre people. "actors." Children. Dreamers. I wanted to be like them. I wanted to do the things they did. Hell, I still wish I could.

But I missed out.

And here I am, stuck in limbo. Too old to have younger friends, too young to have adult friends. 

Where do I fit in?

I don't.

I work a 9-5 job, at a library. Constantly with books, constantly thinking and expanding my mind. Planning my novels and stories and poems. I then come home and hide with my two! kittens and a computer...Watching Glee and wishing it existed when I was in high school. Wishing I had that talent or that someone saw something special in me. But nobody ever really seems to. Everyone around me gets praise but I just disappear somewhere in the middle. 

Someday, somewhere, somehow...I hope I get my chance to shine. I hope that I can be happy and have beautiful, smart friends....But for now, I will listen to Fleetwood Mac and cry and plan my trip to Italy. 1 year.
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