Current mood:

confused

saturdays, Tina Fey glasses, and failure
I spent the majority of the day with the girl. Jay. THE EX.

We hung out and it was all fine and dandy..Nothing out of the ordinary. Some touchy feely crap at first...Nothing ridiculous. I bought Tina Fey glasses (because, yeah. necessary). And decided to wear them a little while later.

The girl: "...Okay, I just have to say this-- with the glasses? You are so fucking adorable."
And she called me cute many, many times.

And I felt all warm and good inside.

And we talked about being in love with each other...But never really said it. (I did later, on MSN... but I said it first. and why can't there be another 'I love you' without me having to say it first? it feels like I'm prying)

We had moments where we sat with our fingertips touching and an obvious attraction...

And she tells me how she's all possessive and protective..

But then..."but this isn't a relationship"
And everytime I mentioned wanting to get back together she'd laugh it off.

W T F.

It's either gonna happen or it's not.
And if it's not, you cannot be jealous and weird about me being with other people. That's not fair.

After hanging out for like 6 hours today..>We talked on the phone for like 3. Why is she the only person to completely understand me? Why is she the only one I can stand being around for long periods of time? Why are we so similar? Why do I want to be so romantic and everything with her? Especially when she doesn't want to be? GRRRRR.
Goddamn it.

I am not waiting another 5 years for things to turn around. Again.
Fuck.
I'm going to have to let go, aren't I?

I wish this was my decision to make.

(also, karaoke contest failure. suprise)